You may find that Thunder in Paradise Interactive for DOS is the remedy for your persistent Hulkamania.

Hulkamania calmed down in the early 1990s when Hulk Hogan followed his acting career and began testifying about steroids in court. Horrible things like Suburban Commando and Mr. Nanny were the outcome. On the other hand, he also had a brief TV series called Thunder in Paradise.

Thunder in Paradise is something I have never seen. It's not that I wouldn't watch it; on the contrary, I've made a point of seeing a lot of awful stuff. It hasn't been a priority.

But then I discovered that, owing to 1995's Thunder in Paradise Interactive, I could satiate my profession, my love, and my chronic Hulkamania with just one swipe. Yes, the Hulkster's presentation included a video game in some way. It was released on the much-maligned and mocked Philips CD-i, fittingly. Although I don't possess one, the game was also released on DOS because, brother, the mightiest force in the universe cannot be contained by a single platform.

It required some DOSBox sorcery to launch. To get the glorious mixture of boats, bikinis, and 24-inch pythons on screen, I had to break out the big guns. I'm not sure if DOSBox was that picky about hardware back in the day, or if it was just not giving compatibility with Thunder in Paradise Interactive enough priority. After I got over those obstacles, I felt like a great smartass, but then I burned my palm pulling a pizza out of the oven.

In case you haven't seen the program, Chris Lemmon plays Martin "Bru" Brubaker and Mr. Hogan plays "Hurricane" Spencer. These two men hang out on the beach and battle with their boats. About all I know is that.

You take on the role of Zack in the interactive version of the program, who may be Hurricane's nephew. I have no idea why he hangs around with two beefy, testosterone-filled slabs. The game is based on the episode "The M.A.J.O.R. and the Minor," and it is a standard FMV game. Zack appeared in the episode, but I'm not sure if he was a regular character on the program. He fills in for the player character here.

Hurricane Hogan starts the game hooked onto a brain connection device that presumably lets him control a slab of human meat loaded with steroids that has wires coming out of his dick. It isn't actually clarified very adequately.

Having almost burned the Hulkster's brains, the titular M.A.J.O.R. stomps out. The former WWF Champion's daughter is reportedly in danger because of the M.A.J.O.R., who is out on the loose and only has half a brain. I'm not sure if this is really described. In order to give the youngster control of their boat's weapons, they strap him inside the brain-scrambling apparatus and go after him in their boat.

This is what occurs in Thunder in Paradise Interactive, and I realize that the more I attempt to explain, the more questions arise. Since Zack is shooting people with a "soft gun," an odd kind of augmented reality perspective also emerges. This, I assume, is done so they don't have to depict a youngster killing a number of people, but it still begs a lot of concerns. What's at risk in this situation? Is there a boat for the robot guy too?

I never saw the show, but I could have learned the answers to these questions by viewing it. I spend my life in ignorance and ignorance. The episode was on a DVD that was included with the CD-i version, but I don't believe that was the case with DOS.

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The episode's plot is hurriedly told via cutscenes, although there are three breaks in between to allow for gameplay. It is standard FMV cursor firing akin to .Killer Corpse.. In the first section, your task is to defend the Hulkster's boat from flying cubes and rockets. You have rockets, a standard energy cannon, and maybe a shield device. All that's shown on the HUD is "Q." After the first combat, there's a database menu that explains what Q is. I know I watched it, but for some reason, my mind ignored that knowledge.

In any case, you have a finite supply of rockets, Q can only be used so often, and charging your energy cannon takes a while. All of my efforts to prosper here were unsuccessful. Occasionally, the game would pause to allow me to see Hulk Hogan and Chris Lemmon call me a disappointing person and explain how I should be ashamed of myself for being such a shithole.

After you lose, the scene cuts to what seems to be an opulent beach resort where the heroic pair may elaborate on how you let the whole team down.

Although this segment also uses a cursor to fire, it plays more like House of the Dead. or, more precisely, Area 51 . It's your responsibility to use the mouse to click on the guys in hazmat suits to stop them from trying to murder Zack as they emerge from their cover. I would swear that no matter how well I performed after the first guy in this part took away half of my health, Zack would eventually tire out.Hulk Hogan would enter once again, scolding me for forgetting to take my pills and say my prayers. Zack eventually crumbles into a pitiful heap on the sand after taking enough shots. For whatever reason, this causes Hogan's daughter to be abducted. It's as if they soft-pitched you the hero part and you still managed to swing and miss.The group then visits an industrial facility or something similar. I assume it's a brewery because of all the vats. Once again, the large, powerful men headed in one way while the person with the egg scrambler strapped to his head, who was dubious about his weaponry, headed in the other direction. This opens up another sector for shooting.Even more dull than the languid wandering around the opulent beach resort is the factory. Active Thunder in Paradise seems to be aware of this, as the antagonist—who, it turns out, is Rampike and not M.A.J.O.R.—finally transports you to a virtual reality metropolis. for an unknown purpose. Once again, I fail to see the virtual reality element in this. After that, you watch as the camera slowly pans over the city, pausing to let others to take shots at you. You get to play "Guess the City," which makes it somewhat more enjoyable than the brewery.That doesn't last long, however, as Rampike ultimately sends you back to the factory to engage in combat in order to get his cut from the laser tag. Even though Rampike now sometimes emerges from hiding rather than the hazmat guys. After defeating him once, I was sent to the basement, where the M.A.J.O.R. quickly murdered Zack.

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Then, Zack wakes from a coma and looks up at Chris Lemmon and Hulk Hogan. "Since you were busy dying, idiot, we had to do everything ourselves," is all they say. It then switches to Hogan and Lemmon informing you, the player, that you disgraced yourself but at least you may try again when Zack passes out again from extreme embarrassment.I did give it another shot—a couple of times, but each time I lost. The performers would sometimes tell me I was doing fantastic, but I believe they were anomalies.I once discovered that by stopping and restarting the game, you could avoid the tedious, camera-panning parts. After that, I discovered that your rifle was recharging at certain times, which is why I ran out of ammunition and died sooner.Plus, there was some very good gaming. I was trying to figure out what I was doing wrong with all of my neurons, but I was not getting anywhere. I keep hearing from a guy who combined a sex video and a racial tirade into one controversy that I'm an embarrassment.Other than that, I wouldn't say that Thunder in Paradise Interactive is the worst FMV game I've ever played. It's really not difficult to be happily surprised, however, if all you anticipate is a "FMV game based on a show nobody remembers."Check out this site for past Weekly Kusoge!